Chunky monkey...

Hello girlfriends!

Yes, we said GIRLfriends! Sorry dear boys reading our blog but this post goes out to our fellow GIRLfriends so they can see what a man is consulting other men to do in order to get what they want...

Source of this article is AskMen.com. Some points are funny, some are just annoying but some are just plain mean...

Read on!


Top 10 Subtle Ways to tell her she's getting fat

As every man knows, there are some things you just can’t come right out and say to your girlfriend. For obvious reasons, “You’ve put on weight, and I find you less attractive” is one of them. Even if it does have the desired effect and she goes on to drop a few pounds, she’ll never forgive you for pointing it out so bluntly and making her feel like sh*t in the process. For that reason, you need to consider some alternative methods of letting her know that you’re displeased with her recent weight gain. Here are the top 10 subtle ways to tell her she's getting fat -- plain and simple.


Prattle: Are you trying to tell me something? *looks at you sideways*
Scuttlebutt: I am NOT... he is... *points to author of the article*
Prattle: I should tell him exactly what he can do with this article. *mumbles* and it involves small holes in favorite places..


1. Buy her clothes that are too small

If you buy her clothes that are obviously too small for her, not only will she finally have to admit that she’s putting on weight, but she can easily return them for her correct size. First, she’ll have to reveal to you that the clothes are too small. “Oh,” you might say, “I thought you were a size 8. Isn’t that what you were last summer?” The onus is now on her to do something about it.


Prattle: It is this reason I don't tell DH my size..he can't buy me clothes, it's against the marital law.
Scuttlebutt: *hands on hips* The onus is going to be ON HIS ASS if he over does that on purpose to me... I'm telling ya!
Prattle: What is an onus?
Scuttlebutt: I don't know! But it sounds like an anus to me! *snorts*

2. Sign her up for yoga under the pretence of "stress relief"

This works particularly well if your girlfriend still hasn’t worked out the link between an active lifestyle and emotional well-being. Tell her you have found exactly what she needs to help her relax, a regular spiritual cleanse in the form of a yoga class. Make sure you choose an intense, calorie-burning form (power yoga or ashtanga yoga), otherwise she may end up rolling around on the floor a couple times a week with no real benefits. The beauty of yoga is that if you dress it up as a way to relieve stress, she may not realize that she’s being tricked into shedding a few pounds, and even if she does, you’ll end up with a happier, more self-confident girlfriend rather than a grumpy lard-ass.


Prattle: As long as "he" goes too..
Scuttlebutt: If "he" would be doing his "job" longer and harder (if you know what I mean), "she" wouldn't have gained weight! So...
Prattle: *giggles* True, sex is a great workout..


3. Set out on your own weight loss plan

Here’s an interesting experiment for you using reverse psychology. A subtle way to tell her she's getting fat is to tell her you’re not happy with your own level of fitness and she may begin to open her eyes to the wider picture. By referencing yourself in any plans to lose weight, you’re also subtly telling her that you’re not the only one who might benefit from a diet. And even if she does see through your ploy, she’ll at least appreciate the tact you have shown and will hopefully take the message on board.


Prattle: The prick! He's a fat ass too??
Scuttlebutt: I know right? Well... at least if he is trying to improve himself, they could try doing that together.


4. Serve her unsatisfactory portions

When dishing up meals for the two of you, try giving her smaller-than-usual amounts. By making her ask for more food, you might succeed in shaming her into an acknowledgment of her recent weight gain, and hopefully to instigate a conversation about what she’s going to do about it. If you feel as though you’re starving yourself in the process, remember you can always go back for more when she’s not looking.


Prattle: WTF?? What man other than a controlling bastard, dishes up the meals?
Scuttlebutt: "Shaming her in acknowledment"???? WTFuckingF??? What would he say with the serving spoon up his... *cough fit*
Prattle: *high fives you*

5. Improve your own diet

It’s very easy for the two of you to fall into the downward spiral in which many couples begin to replace sexual intimacy with ice cream and cake. Don’t let this happen by focusing on your own health requirements and staking your right to a junk-food-free home. It might even be the only way of separating her from the fatty foods which have led to the current problem.


Prattle: See my comment for number 3.
Scuttlebutt: Point 3 and 5 are the most reasonable points in this article... Guys.. if you do read this... pls do this and not all the other shit. Thank you.


6. Playfully grab her love handles

Ask any man and he’ll tell you that he instinctively flexes his biceps whenever a woman touches them. The same thing goes for a woman when you make contact with any unwanted flab: She recoils and feels embarrassment. Use this reaction to your advantage. Even if she thinks that you’re too busy at work to have noticed a few extra pounds, if you continually rest your hand on her love handles (or even lightly pinch them), she’ll soon realize that you’re becoming increasingly aware of something that never used to be there before.


Prattle: This is mean... Leave the jerk! Maybe there are physical reasons you've gained weight, he should love you for who you are on the inside not the outside.
Scuttlebutt: You know, I don't feel bad at all when he is pinching my love handles. I am not trying to flex anything either. Why not just really sit down and talk about it but using all these silly ways to make somebody do what you want?


7. Ask her to wear an old dress

Plan a romantic night out for the two of you and insist that she wears something from when you first got together; particularly something that you know doesn’t fit her anymore. This way she’ll have to admit to you that she’s put on too much weight and can no longer get into many of her old clothes. Follow it up by telling her how good she looked in those days, and maybe she’ll make it her mission to get back to that size.


Prattle: No, rotate your clothes as soon as you can to avoid this. What an ass-hole. What's good for the goose is good for the gander. Have him put on that tight tee-shirt that he wore when you first started dating.
Scuttlebutt: I kept many of my old dresses that wont fit anymore :( Sometimes I do try to try them on just to see how far I've gone. I would just plainly say that the dress wont fit me anymore and he has to settle with that new sexy one I got.


8. Sabotage her chair

Sometimes as men we have to get downright nefarious to get what we want. You might not be proud of stooping to this level, but nothing says “better lose some weight” like a broken chair. After you loosen a few screws or remove some important slats of a chair in which you know she’ll sit and subsequently break, sit back and watch the guaranteed dietary transformation that ensues. It will profoundly amaze you.


Prattle: "TO GET WHAT WE WANT"?? Are you f-ing kidding me? Ladies, Ladies..no no... *shakes head* If you find out your man did this..here is where you tell ALL your girlfriends via FB and Twitter how horrible he is in bed and doesn't know how to use his manhood to please you. And that he's faster than a three minute egg.
Scuttlebutt: Remember that nice lady... what was her name? Err... Lorena Bobbitt? Aaah! Yes! Thats the one!! Beware when you go to sleep boy... *evil glare*
Prattle: Bwahahaha!

9. Leave "now" and "then" photos lying around

This is a highly effective way to draw attention to the explicit changes to her body as you see them. By consistently reminding her of how she used to look, she’ll inevitably be more inclined to do something about her excess flab. Appropriately chosen and strategically placed photos should accomplish this quite nicely. Keep in mind, if she confronts you about trying to shame her into losing weight, the key approach here is denial, as you reply: “Do you actually think I would be that manipulative?” Of course you would, but she doesn’t need to know that.


Prattle: This is killing me.. *looks at feet and sighs*
Scuttlebutt: Me too! But what if we use now and then photos of him too? *grins*


10. Take her to places where she has to wear a swimsuit

If she seems content staying at home eating donuts in her track pants, why not start taking her to places where she has no choice but to where a swimsuit? As she awkwardly looks around at all the slender bodies having a great time, she’ll more than likely vow to do something about her recent weight gain, especially if she knows she’ll be back there in the not-so-distant future.


Prattle: Two words..WITHHOLD SEX. Put anything in your mouth but a stiffy..
Scuttlebutt: *evil laugh* Remember our earlier post Dirty Scuttle, Pervy Prattle? Do what it says... tease... and then WITHHOLD!

What do you think of all that GIRLfriends???? Let us have your comments!

Scuttlebutt and Prattle at your services!