Tuesday, July 6, 2010

Vampires....

Hello friends!

Today we will talk about.... vampires! We know! It has become a favorite subject. But what do men think about it?

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Chris Illuminati, Relationship Correspondent from askmen.com writes:

Vampires are everywhere -- in books like Twilight, in magazines and newspapers and now on television in the second season of True Blood on HBO. Vampires are stealing our women, but not by the usual force and trickery. Woman love the stupid bloodsuckers!

There is something about these Gothic symbols of manhood that make every woman weak in the neck. Is it their style, their power or just their flair for the romantic? It might be a combination of all of the above that makes these thousand-year-old walking corpses so damn appealing to the opposite sex.

Here are 10 reasons why women love vampires, and how a single guy can use this knowledge to his advantage.


Vampires are loners

The average guy runs with a pack; a group of close drinking buddies who come over to watch the game, hit the links on the weekends and get into trouble together. This clan takes up quality time and attention that is usually reserved for a girlfriend. Vampires work alone. They don’t have many friends, and if they do, they are usually out doing their own thing. Women love vampires because they have all the time in the world. Literally.

Scuttlebutt: The guys that run with a pack, are called "Wolfs" or more specific "Shapeshifters" :) I don't really mind them you know. Cause they could tear the unwanted vamps (see the "bad" collage) in two *grins*

Prattle: Why are you bringing the wolf pack into this? In traditional lore, we don't know that wolves can take down bad vamps...just Buffy.

Scuttlebutt: Well... because... because... Just because OK! Sheeesh... *growls and looks at you sideways*

Prattle: *shows fangs and hisses*

What the single guy could learn: Don’t hang out with your friends so much. Make time for her and occasionally bag plans with the boys. The guys, the game, the golf, and the beers will always be there. Show her you are your own man.


Vampires require no commitment during the day

Even though women love to spend as much time as possible with the man they adore, they still want some alone time to do things with the girls or on their own. They feel bad if they don’t at least call and check in a few times during the day. Women love vampires because vampires can’t take up the entirety of a woman’s day. Hell, they can’t even stay that late into the night. Sleepovers only last until the sun is coming up and vampires are nowhere to be found until the sun goes down.

Scuttlebutt: Well, another reason we like this is that we are absolutely sure our man is in his coffin and not sneaking around with anybody else. *wink*

Prattle: What about in the middle of the night? He could be making another girl do his "bedding" while you are fast asleep!

Scuttlebutt: I don't thin I would be fast asleep with a vamp in my bed dear Prattle... I don't know about you though... *grins*

Prattle: What? Am I supposed to adjust my sleeping habits for him? I don't know about that...

Scuttlebutt: You are thinking about sleep while you have a vampire in your bed???

Prattle: Hey, I like my sleep...there is time where it's dark that I'm awake, but I don't know about the whole night thing... that's one of the great things about the sparkly ones....they CAN'T sleep..

What the single guy could learn: Sometimes a woman does just want to be alone. Give her time to do her own thing and be her own person. Give her space to be independent. It will make the time she spends with you even more special.


Vampires dress well

Ever seen a poorly dressed vampire? Never. Vampires are always impeccably dressed with perfect hair and a nice complexion (though a tad pale). Their fashionable (and usually dark) duds show off just the right amount of chest. A nice pair of skin-tight pants and an occasional ascot or medallion completes the look. Like a modern-day Tom Jones without the giant crucifix in his pants -- Goth but classy. They usually look better dressed than the living, not even taking into consideration the fact they can’t exactly run to Kenneth Cole at lunch to pick up a nice pair of dark chinos for tonight’s big date. They wear their clothes well and always with the perfect fit. Thankfully, most have dropped the cape.

Scuttlebutt: *cough* I don't think Chris has seen True Blood... what do you think Prattle? Or New Moon! *ducks*

Prattle: Hmmm *glaring at you* I don't know that I want to talk to you right now.... You're right, I don't think he's seen either True Blood or New Moon (or Eclipse) because they dress very well and look VERY hawt...

Scuttlebutt: Haven't you seen the vamps with the bellies and the uncombed hair in True Blood??? What about the ... costumes?? Come on... not all are so great! Or perfect in that matter! *remembers Edwards suit in New Moon and pulls a face*

Prattle: The MAIN characters.... and there is beauty in everything *sits in lotus position repeating ohm*

Scuttlebutt: Well, there aren't only the main characters in a movie or series! There are also those that surround them! And as pretty as you would be, if your surroundings look like shit... well.. it affects you too. *giggles*

Prattle: *rolls eyes* It's ENTERTAINMENT!!!! Geeesh...

Scuttlebutt: It definitely entertains me if one looks like a clown... *sniggers*

Prattle: *hides behind you* Did you say clown???

Scuttlebutt: OH MY GAWD!!! Run Prattle! Run!!! The gigantic clown with the sharp teeth is coming after you!!

Prattle: AAAAAAHHHH!!!! *runs in zig zag pattern home*...*punches you on the arm* Thats not nice!

Scuttlebutt: Owww!!! *giggles and kisses your cheek*

What the single guy could learn: Dress well for every occasion. Always be slightly overdressed. Find a style that works. Go to a store and ask the clerk for assistance. Pick clothing that fits your body type. Pick colors that go with your skin tone. When in doubt, dress like the mannequin. But never wear the cape, no matter how good it looks.

Scuttlebutt: I really like this guy! *giggles*

Prattle: Don't forget the hair product!!!!!!!

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Vampires love necking

Woman love sex. Honestly. But what they love even more is all the fooling around that should be involved before sex. As we all know, men just like to get down to business -- but not vampires. They don’t even really care about sex. They want to mess around. Particularly around the neck area -- the “sweet spot” as it’s known around the coffins. They know how to start off tender and soft and then get a little rough. Rough enough to draw blood. Kinky.

What the single guy could learn: Start off slow with foreplay. Find out all her most erotic spots. Don’t know her erotic spots? Here’s a crazy notion: Ask her! Spend extra time on those areas; especially the neck. The vamps have that part down to a sweet science. If you draw blood you are definitely doing something wrong. The sex will happen. She won’t forget it’s the big payoff, and neither will you.

Scuttlebutt: I really really do like him... Yes! Necking is good! Listen to that guy dear male friends!

Prattle: Oh yeah......


Vampires are moody

Women beg to differ, but they honestly do like the occasional hint of drama in a relationship. It keeps things fresh and exciting. This is perfect for the vampire, whose mood is constantly changing. You’d be pissed too if people wanted you dead and all you’ve had to eat for a couple centuries is some blood and the occasional taste of plasma. It’s not the greatest life to lead. Good thing they’ve got all the female attention to keep things bearable.

Scuttlebutt: Bwaahahahahaaa!!

Prattle: I don't like my guy moody...that's my job! But spontaneity is a whole other beast!!!

What the single guy could learn: Don’t be a moody little baby, but occasionally keep her on her toes. As soon as a relationship becomes complacent and boring, the problems arise. Spontaneity is one of the reasons women love vampires, so be unpredictable yourself. Do things out of the ordinary like pop into her office for lunch, make her a surprise dinner or demand she skip work to spend the day together.


Vampires are persuasive

Vampires have a calming demeanor. They are suave, smooth and soft-spoken, and the women eat it up. They convince the smart and savvy women that their odd behavior is on the up-and-up. They even convince them it’s cool to suck blood. How hard is that? You can’t even convince her to try new sexual positions.

What the single guy could learn: Tell a woman what you want by being candid and straightforward, but not necessarily demanding. It will save a ton of time in arguing and fighting. Speak your mind. Don’t play games. Don’t let her have to figure you out.


Vampires search forever to find "her"

Woman love to think they were destined to be with one man for the rest of their lives. They love the romantic angle of a soul mate -- two people destined to meet, fall in love and be together forever. Now imagine that man is just as eager to find her and has been searching for untold centuries. It knocks a woman off her feet like a silver bullet through the heart. When a vampire sinks his teeth (figuratively) into a woman, he makes her feel like the only woman in the world. It’s no wonder women fall hard -- then again, it could also be the blood loss.

What the single guy could learn: Prove to her that she is the only woman in your life. Don’t check out other girls at a bar or ogle at the Top 99 Women on AskMen (at least not for as long as you usually do), and make her feel like the greatest thing that has ever happened to you.

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Vampires are romantic

Give those dead, bloodsucking bastards credit: they know how to romance the pants off a woman. The setting is always dark and mysterious and the atmosphere is just right for doing something dirty. The full moon seems to follow them wherever they go. One of the reasons women love vampires is that they know how to pull all the tricks to make the setting perfect. Also working to their advantage is that they don’t do much talking to ruin the moment. They’ve also had years of practice.

Scuttlebutt: Yep. The years of practice certainly make a difference!

Prattle: Even just TRYING would be a good thing... *sigh*

What the single guy could learn: Set the mood and pick romantic spots for even the simplest activities. Remember places and little nuances for special occasions. Do the small things: special occasions, flowers for no reason, and tiny little "I love you" reminders to make her feel special. If you show her how much you care, you might end up involved in a different kind of sucking that doesn’t involve blood.

Scuttlebutt: *chokes and spits out coffee* Oh dear... LOL

Prattle: Very true!!!! That's when I'm..um... more obliging....


Vampires are powerful

Vampires exude two types of power. The first is the raw, physical power. The vampire is always in phenomenal shape; it must be the low carbs/high blood diet and tons of sleep. The second type of power is mental. He's usually a manipulative bastard who can match brains as much as brawn. This amazing one-two combo is a major reason women love vampires. Moreover, it’s almost impossible to kill a vampire. You think he’s dead? Nope. Still not dead.

What the single guy could learn: Every man knows he has to stay in top physical shape. More important, though, is being mentally powerful. Never stop learning; tackle a new language, do puzzles and games to keep your mind sharp and for ghoul’s sake read challenging and thought-provoking books instead of the sports page every morning. That’s another reason women love vampires; they can carry on a conversation about something other than baseball stats.


Vampires are the ultimate bad boys

Women love bad boys. Now mix in the fact that a vampire is searching for eternal love and needs a woman to survive; you’ve got yourself the ultimate bad boy. He answers to no one, lives by his own rules, wears nice clothes, and is hated by millions of living people. He is the man her mother warned her about except with more guy-liner and lip gloss than either of them could have ever predicted. He isn’t just bad, he’s dead. Beat that!

What the single guy could learn: It’s tough to pull off for some, but you could always give off the appearance of a bad boy. Try it like this: start sleeping all day, hang out late into the night, live by your own rules, piss off as many people as possible, and live off the blood of innocent women. Basically, pretend you’re back in college.

Scuttlebutt: Ok... Chris is amazing! LOL! And also he put all these reasons so well together with modern day relationship tips. Well done boy! LOL

Prattle: Yes Dear Scuttle, this human has correctly identified the parts of the Vampire world (not the Wolf world) that most women adore.... *grins*

Scuttlebutt: *sticks out tongue to Prattle* Dear Chris! You definitely should write an article about the Wolfs please!

Prattle: *makes a W with hands and whispers* Whatever....

1 comment:

Craftygirl said...

I just noticed sweet Scuttlebutt....there was not one pic of my Gerry as Dracula on the collage of the vamp's we like... hm...