Thursday, February 25, 2010

Chunky monkey...


Hello girlfriends!

Yes, we said GIRLfriends! Sorry dear boys reading our blog but this post goes out to our fellow GIRLfriends so they can see what a man is consulting other men to do in order to get what they want...

Source of this article is Some points are funny, some are just annoying but some are just plain mean...

Read on!

Top 10 Subtle Ways to tell her she's getting fat

As every man knows, there are some things you just can’t come right out and say to your girlfriend. For obvious reasons, “You’ve put on weight, and I find you less attractive” is one of them. Even if it does have the desired effect and she goes on to drop a few pounds, she’ll never forgive you for pointing it out so bluntly and making her feel like sh*t in the process. For that reason, you need to consider some alternative methods of letting her know that you’re displeased with her recent weight gain. Here are the top 10 subtle ways to tell her she's getting fat -- plain and simple.

Prattle: Are you trying to tell me something? *looks at you sideways*
Scuttlebutt: I am NOT... he is... *points to author of the article*
Prattle: I should tell him exactly what he can do with this article. *mumbles* and it involves small holes in favorite places..

1. Buy her clothes that are too small

If you buy her clothes that are obviously too small for her, not only will she finally have to admit that she’s putting on weight, but she can easily return them for her correct size. First, she’ll have to reveal to you that the clothes are too small. “Oh,” you might say, “I thought you were a size 8. Isn’t that what you were last summer?” The onus is now on her to do something about it.

Prattle: It is this reason I don't tell DH my size..he can't buy me clothes, it's against the marital law.
Scuttlebutt: *hands on hips* The onus is going to be ON HIS ASS if he over does that on purpose to me... I'm telling ya!
Prattle: What is an onus?
Scuttlebutt: I don't know! But it sounds like an anus to me! *snorts*


2. Sign her up for yoga under the pretence of "stress relief"

This works particularly well if your girlfriend still hasn’t worked out the link between an active lifestyle and emotional well-being. Tell her you have found exactly what she needs to help her relax, a regular spiritual cleanse in the form of a yoga class. Make sure you choose an intense, calorie-burning form (power yoga or ashtanga yoga), otherwise she may end up rolling around on the floor a couple times a week with no real benefits. The beauty of yoga is that if you dress it up as a way to relieve stress, she may not realize that she’s being tricked into shedding a few pounds, and even if she does, you’ll end up with a happier, more self-confident girlfriend rather than a grumpy lard-ass.

Prattle: As long as "he" goes too..
Scuttlebutt: If "he" would be doing his "job" longer and harder (if you know what I mean), "she" wouldn't have gained weight! So...
Prattle: *giggles* True, sex is a great workout..

3. Set out on your own weight loss plan

Here’s an interesting experiment for you using reverse psychology. A subtle way to tell her she's getting fat is to tell her you’re not happy with your own level of fitness and she may begin to open her eyes to the wider picture. By referencing yourself in any plans to lose weight, you’re also subtly telling her that you’re not the only one who might benefit from a diet. And even if she does see through your ploy, she’ll at least appreciate the tact you have shown and will hopefully take the message on board.

Prattle: The prick! He's a fat ass too??
Scuttlebutt: I know right? Well... at least if he is trying to improve himself, they could try doing that together.

4. Serve her unsatisfactory portions

When dishing up meals for the two of you, try giving her smaller-than-usual amounts. By making her ask for more food, you might succeed in shaming her into an acknowledgment of her recent weight gain, and hopefully to instigate a conversation about what she’s going to do about it. If you feel as though you’re starving yourself in the process, remember you can always go back for more when she’s not looking.

Prattle: WTF?? What man other than a controlling bastard, dishes up the meals?
Scuttlebutt: "Shaming her in acknowledment"???? WTFuckingF??? What would he say with the serving spoon up his... *cough fit*
Prattle: *high fives you*


5. Improve your own diet

It’s very easy for the two of you to fall into the downward spiral in which many couples begin to replace sexual intimacy with ice cream and cake. Don’t let this happen by focusing on your own health requirements and staking your right to a junk-food-free home. It might even be the only way of separating her from the fatty foods which have led to the current problem.

Prattle: See my comment for number 3.
Scuttlebutt: Point 3 and 5 are the most reasonable points in this article... Guys.. if you do read this... pls do this and not all the other shit. Thank you.

6. Playfully grab her love handles

Ask any man and he’ll tell you that he instinctively flexes his biceps whenever a woman touches them. The same thing goes for a woman when you make contact with any unwanted flab: She recoils and feels embarrassment. Use this reaction to your advantage. Even if she thinks that you’re too busy at work to have noticed a few extra pounds, if you continually rest your hand on her love handles (or even lightly pinch them), she’ll soon realize that you’re becoming increasingly aware of something that never used to be there before.

Prattle: This is mean... Leave the jerk! Maybe there are physical reasons you've gained weight, he should love you for who you are on the inside not the outside.
Scuttlebutt: You know, I don't feel bad at all when he is pinching my love handles. I am not trying to flex anything either. Why not just really sit down and talk about it but using all these silly ways to make somebody do what you want?

7. Ask her to wear an old dress

Plan a romantic night out for the two of you and insist that she wears something from when you first got together; particularly something that you know doesn’t fit her anymore. This way she’ll have to admit to you that she’s put on too much weight and can no longer get into many of her old clothes. Follow it up by telling her how good she looked in those days, and maybe she’ll make it her mission to get back to that size.

Prattle: No, rotate your clothes as soon as you can to avoid this. What an ass-hole. What's good for the goose is good for the gander. Have him put on that tight tee-shirt that he wore when you first started dating.
Scuttlebutt: I kept many of my old dresses that wont fit anymore :( Sometimes I do try to try them on just to see how far I've gone. I would just plainly say that the dress wont fit me anymore and he has to settle with that new sexy one I got.

8. Sabotage her chair

Sometimes as men we have to get downright nefarious to get what we want. You might not be proud of stooping to this level, but nothing says “better lose some weight” like a broken chair. After you loosen a few screws or remove some important slats of a chair in which you know she’ll sit and subsequently break, sit back and watch the guaranteed dietary transformation that ensues. It will profoundly amaze you.

Prattle: "TO GET WHAT WE WANT"?? Are you f-ing kidding me? Ladies, no... *shakes head* If you find out your man did is where you tell ALL your girlfriends via FB and Twitter how horrible he is in bed and doesn't know how to use his manhood to please you. And that he's faster than a three minute egg.
Scuttlebutt: Remember that nice lady... what was her name? Err... Lorena Bobbitt? Aaah! Yes! Thats the one!! Beware when you go to sleep boy... *evil glare*
Prattle: Bwahahaha!


9. Leave "now" and "then" photos lying around

This is a highly effective way to draw attention to the explicit changes to her body as you see them. By consistently reminding her of how she used to look, she’ll inevitably be more inclined to do something about her excess flab. Appropriately chosen and strategically placed photos should accomplish this quite nicely. Keep in mind, if she confronts you about trying to shame her into losing weight, the key approach here is denial, as you reply: “Do you actually think I would be that manipulative?” Of course you would, but she doesn’t need to know that.

Prattle: This is killing me.. *looks at feet and sighs*
Scuttlebutt: Me too! But what if we use now and then photos of him too? *grins*

10. Take her to places where she has to wear a swimsuit

If she seems content staying at home eating donuts in her track pants, why not start taking her to places where she has no choice but to where a swimsuit? As she awkwardly looks around at all the slender bodies having a great time, she’ll more than likely vow to do something about her recent weight gain, especially if she knows she’ll be back there in the not-so-distant future.

Prattle: Two words..WITHHOLD SEX. Put anything in your mouth but a stiffy..
Scuttlebutt: *evil laugh* Remember our earlier post Dirty Scuttle, Pervy Prattle? Do what it says... tease... and then WITHHOLD!

What do you think of all that GIRLfriends???? Let us have your comments!

Scuttlebutt and Prattle at your services!


Editor said...

Ok fury!!!!!!!!!!
Ask Men f*ck you,
Like the girls said if we are over weight there are reasons, geeze, slaps all around the WEB slap, slap, kpow, smack!!! what was that I am putting on weight, smack, you think I should what! smack.

Eats creme egg!!!!!!!!

unfortunately I can't sign in with twitter grrr @rowantastic aka Andrea creme egg shaped lol

Reel said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Reel said...

now i know what the "scuttle" was about on twitter!

@andrea aka editor
*pats your back and hands you pitchfork* i'm ready!

I'd say it's time for an old fashion drunken *takes a gulp* female lynchmob. Let's hang them up by their balls, yea i'm talking to you!

Stupid pricks. And he's fat too?

*scowls and takes another drink*

You know I'm not a manhater; well much. I have my ISSUES but one thing:

If men are so great, why are they the roots of all the things that trouble women?
MENstruation, (PMS), MENopause, and I have this new one to add
MENingitis? fuck no, MENoutofMYgitis until he can be prove himself worthy!

*lowers head, shuts eyes* AMEN.

off record:
um *looking at feet, sheepishly shuffling them* you um didn't have to see that i changed my blog again, did you? *ducks and runs out of comment box*
i still need your help tho with making a button.

thanks for your hugs. i reely needed them.

thanks to the both of you for making me grrrrrr and *grin* at the same time!

Reel said...

oh and um it was me *hangs head* who deleted the comment. sorree!

CorrinaT said...

Someone needs to flame his fucking ass! Are you fucking kidding me? Yeah I am channeling my inner and outer bitch right now!

It's men like that, that make me want to

If he does have a woman I hope she knows the lyrics to "Keep Awake" by 100 Monkeys because she needs to start singing that shit! Scare his ass so he whimpers and cries in a corner.

I may be a bit angry, but I love you ladies! Your comments calmed me a bit, but I still want to break out the boxing gloves, junk punch him a few times and then burn the gloves for having touched his nads in the first place.

Craftygirl said...

I know!! jerks... *stands with Andrea while slapping around* Pfff..

Lovely pic there! *giggles!*

Drink?? where?? *looks around* gimme gimme!! and yw always. it's one thing I'm good at..

Deep said...


What? if you've gained weight; there must be a reason? pffff....yeah; DONUTs are the reason. *shaking head*

Oh; yeah SUUUUURE just go ahead and TALK ABOUT IT? Bu bu bu BULLSHIT! lmao yeah right..we value our cock n' balls too much to risk them like that!!

And you cant tell me that when your guy gains weight; you dont look for 'subtle' ways to let him know about it...I've read Cosmo..I know. *snickers*

I've never had a problem with a girlfriend gaining weight. if I've truly cared about them; it goes beyond physical appearance. I think if you think your lady has gained weight; look for your own toes and see if they're in the same place they used to be...chances are they're nooooot. So suck it up and go to Yoga TOGETHER. it's win-win. you both shed some pounds; you'll figure out all sorts of interesting new positions..*wink wink*...and lets just say that LuLuLemon makes good looking pants.

I think the guys need a kick in the balls...sure; I'm not gonna argue with that. But dont claim the moral high ground...


Nice post ladies..

*backs slowly and carefully away; shielding man-flesh carefully in both hands

Craftygirl said...

*looks at you sideways*

Actually *clears throat* I can claim the moral high ground on this one.. I prefer a man that doesn't look like I will snap him in two if things get rough! Personality, brains and humor will win me over faster than looks will.

I had to fatten up my DH.. When we first started talking one of the drawbacks of me wanting to date him was I thought he was too thin..having a motorcycle won out tho.. *grins* and what can be done on one! *cocks eyebrow and grins*

Yes, you'd better cover the jewels, our friend Reely might be in need of them soon.. *winks* :)

Oh, p.s.

I don't read cosmo and I don't read playgirl..I look at the pictures.. BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Chryssa said...

Girls you all made me laugh so hard with your comments! Editor, Reel, Corrina... you all crack me up.
Dear Deep, thank you for sharing your male wisdom with us *grins* and I reeeeeely *wink* like your opinions.
Since I'm a foreigner (Greek) I don't exactly know what "dont claim the moral high ground" means so I will just ignore that part. *snickers*
@crfty aka Prattle aka bestie... you naughty girl! You had to fatten your hubby? *giggles* and him having a motorcycle won? Hehe! What things exactly can you do ON a motorcycle? *finger in mouth*

Sax aka Scuttlebutt aka your own personal corrupter

Faye said...

Hummm...I was gonna say something what this guy from AskMen should have happen to him, but decided against being that way today! Maybe tomorrow, hehe!Instead, I'll leave you with this quote...If an idiot were to tell you the same story every day for a year, you would end by believing it.~IT'S A GOOD THINK WOMEN AREN'T IDIOTS!!!(Who is the idiot?)!